The way I see things

hope for my children

2009-06-25T13:29:00.004-06:00

I got a call today from my younger daughter's teacher.

You know the feeling, no matter that you know you've done nothing wrong, you feel like you're on trial. I should have known better. The last time she called me was to tell me that she thought my daughter was smarter than she was showing. The teacher told me she was going to push her harder and see what happens. It worked.

Today she told me something that I've known for a long time: my daughter is really very smart. I have been concerned for quite some time that my little girl has a reading disorder, but her teacher has completely laid that fear to rest. My girl is not only a good reader, but she is reading well above her grade level.

What this teacher really called to tell me is that she has discovered that my girl is not a visual learner, but an auditory, kinesthetic learner. What this means is that writing and reading aren't her strong learning skills, but learning through listening and physically doing are. She sees things either in minute detail or as big picture and has a challenge transferring one to the other.

OK, now you are wondering why I'm regaling you with the praises of my genius daughter. The reason is this: no matter how much we don't want to live vicariously through our children, subconsciously, I think that we all do.

This 3rd party praise of my daughter made me feel like I'd done my job as a mom. It helped to relieve a lot of the anxiety that I didn't realize that I had about the school establishment recognizing what I'd always known: my daughter, who doesn't get as high marks as her older sister, is incredibly smart! She simply learns in different ways that, historically, haven't been rewarded by schools. Because of this, I have feared that she would become discouraged by the lack of affirmation by her teachers and then quit trying to excel.

I love the fact that the educational system is beginning to really understand different types of intelligences. This gives me reason to hope that all children will be able to feel free to explore whatever form of learning is best for them.

Memories

2009-04-17T10:49:00.002-06:00

The musical Cats is coming to Saskatoon which got me thinking; what are some of my favorite memories?

When my younger daughter was about 1 year old, she had a huge fear of things going down holes. It all started when she put the end of a roll of toilet paper inthe toilet and flushed. Whe she couldn't stop the paper from going down, she panicked. From that moment on, anything that went down a hole was FLUSHED!!!!!!!!!!!

It culminated when she was helping me put laundry down the laundry chute and didn't heed my warning to stay away form the hole and fell head first down the chute! Thankfully, quite a bit of clothing had preceeded her so she had a soft landing. From that moment on, she helped load the laundry from a distance which started from well behind me!

More evidence against 'random' evolution!?!

2009-02-18T11:32:00.002-06:00

I routinely get emails from friends who are passing on misinformation yet with the best of intentions. In the future, I may even get this piece of info from a friend, and Had I not seen it both in my local news web page and on the NASA web site (check out the link on this blog), I may not have believed it.

There is a comet going around our solar system in reverse. That may sound odd to you, like it did to me, but it is true. at first I wondered, "How can a comet go in reverse?" I had images of a comet chasing its tail, then couldn't imagine how a God of order would let that happen. But then again, I am only human with a very finite limit on the imagination of an infinite
God.

The way this thing works is like this: everything that we see in our solar system revolves around the sun in a counter clockwise direction. This comet, on the other hand, is going around in a clockwise direction.

The article from the news website is here in full.

Backward green comet named Lulin makes one-time only visit toward the sun
CP
Seth Borenstein, The Associated Press
Tue, 17 Feb 2009 21:41:00 CST
E-mail this to a friend
WASHINGTON - An odd, greenish backward-flying comet is zipping by Earth this month, as it takes its only trip toward the sun from the farthest edges of the solar system.
The comet is called Lulin, and there's a chance it can be seen with the naked eye - far from city lights, astronomers say. But you'll most likely need a telescope, or at least binoculars, to spot it. The best opportunity is just before dawn one-third of the way up the southern sky. It should be near Saturn and two bright stars, Spica and Regula.
On Monday at 10:43 p.m. EST, it will be 61 million kilometres from Earth, the closest it will ever get, according to Donald Yeomans, manager of NASA's Near Earth Object program.
The story behind the comet is more intriguing than its appearance - the greenish tinge may be hard for many to discern. The colour comes from a type of carbon and cyanogen, a poisonous gas.
Lulin was discovered by a Chinese teenager two years ago. It still has many of its original gases - gases that are usually stripped away as comets near the sun. Unlike most comets viewable from Earth, this one hasn't been this close to the sun before, Yeomans said.
While all the planets and most of the other objects in the solar system circle the sun counterclockwise, Lulin circles clockwise, said NASA astronomer Stephen Edberg. And thanks to an optical illusion, from Earth it appears as if the comet's tail is in the front as the comet approaches Earth and the sun.
"It essentially is going backwards through the solar system," he said.
It came from the outskirts of the solar system, 29 trillion kilometres away. Once it's made the journey around the sun, Lulin will gain enough speed to escape the solar system, Edberg said.
"If you are interested in comets, make sure you see it," he said. "If you are interested in comets, make sure you see it," he said. "But it's not going to be a real great blast for the general public."

I guess that my statement here is more of a question. Does it make sense (is it rational) that this one comet opposes every scientific mind and flies in reverse direction around our solar system? The spinning of 2 planets in differing directions than the others has been explained here http://helios.gsfc.nasa.gov/qa_plan.html#spinning but there is no explianation explination for reverse orbit! God is completely creative, unexplainable and unpredictable.

It never rains but it pours.

2009-02-07T23:21:00.006-06:00

One of my favorite sayings is "You ever have one of those lives (days)?"

Well, let me tell you, the past several have been, well let's just say, interesting. It started with my afternoon class and 2 of my students start to leave class about 1/2 hour early without any explanation. As they were getting ready, I voiced my opposition to their actions and was told that they needed to get ready for a special church service that night. It turns out that a priest had flown in from their home country and would be giving mass in their home language. Needless to say, I let them go and get ready for this wonderful event.

Imagine, we take so for granted the ability to worship, first - openly and without persecution, second- with a fairly large group of like-minded people, third- those who don't believe the same keep their mouths shut (for the most part), and finally, and totally not least - we worship in or mother tongue (for the most part). My students generally have not had any of the aforementioned blessings that we take so for granted here in Canada.

After those 2 ss had gone, a third student who is from their home country filled me in on a few stories that, though they will give me nightmares for months, I am glad that she told me. The first of these is how her brother was attending a state sanctioned worship service which the locals didn't like. Someone had a car bomb outside and everyone in the church was killed.

Now don't get me wrong, I think that this is atrocious: knowing that your brother was killed, just because of where he chose to worship is nothing that anyone should have to go through. But once I heard the next account, that one seemed very tame.

A friend of hers was outside of their church holding her son by the hand when someone came along and stole him. "They took him to their house and put the baby in the oven and cooked him. After that, when he was done being cooked, they laid him on a plate and put tomatoes and vegetables around him and took him to his mother and told her to eat him."

I can hardly type this without feeling the need to alternately gag and go hug my girls.

Because there were other ss in the room who did not understand what this woman was telling me, I had to interpret for them slowly, using gestures and simpler language so that they could understand why I had that terrible look on my face.

Later, I thought back to reading in Revelation :

Rev 6:8 And I looked, and behold, a pale horse! And its rider's name was Death, and Hades followed him. And they were given authority over a fourth of the earth, to kill with sword and with famine and with pestilence and by wild beasts of the earth.
Rev 6:9 When he opened the fifth seal, I saw under the altar the souls of those who had been slain for the word of God and for the witness they had borne.
Rev 6:10 They cried out with a loud voice, "O Sovereign Lord, holy and true, how long before you will judge and avenge our blood on those who dwell on the earth?"
Rev 6:11 Then they were each given a white robe and told to rest a little longer, until the number of their fellow servants and their brothers should be complete, who were to be killed as they themselves had been.

This toddler, this baby is going to be one of those martyrs who will be crying for justice. And our Lord will have to say that the numbers of the martyrs have not yet been completed. I cried so hard...

Later yesterday evening, our family went to a Saskatoon Blades game which was sponsored by Youth For Christ. Several VERY cool things happened. 1) I found out that an international adoption I'd been praying for had finally been completed. The Dad is now waiting for his son to get through the immigration process. WOO HOO! 2) about 1/2 dozen of my students or former students are cleaners at CUC at night. It was great to see them in their work environment and for them to see my family in a casual setting like that. 3) and again not the least, the Blades kicked Red Deer's BUTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Not as cool was the account of one of my former ss who had to quit class to work. At first, he seemed very upbeat and like life is all good. A few minutes later he admitted that he had had a very tough time recently including a car accident and a few injuries while welding. He really wanted to come back to school, but he knew that he couldn't because he needs to make money to send home to his parents who are still refugees and to his wife who is in a different country yet, also as a refugee. This beautiful, joyful young man has the weight of the world on his shoulders.

To add to that he told me that some very nice people had given him a Bible in his own language. I was very happy until I heard that it was some very nice witnesses for God Jehovah. Oy. How do you tell someone with very limited English that he's being sucked in to a belief system that, if he understood that language, he'd never follow. I know that this young man is a Baptist, and believes fully in those teachings, so I also knew that he needed to be told that what these very nice folks were telling him was against what he actually believes. Once I got into that a bit, he did tell me that their bible did seem to have some wrong information in it. I told him that his perception is right and that he should please talk to one of the young men form his country who are very well versed (hee hee) in the Bible and could help him to figure out truth from lies. After that I praised God that my friend had done what I have been told to do for many years. He'd hidden enough of God's truth in his heart that a counterfeit stood out as the rip off that it is!

That brings us to today. Didn't I say that it is pouring???

One of my daughters got up this morning not feeling well. I recognised her symptoms and knew that she needed to get to a doctor for a prescription to help her out. When the girls and I got back form the city, my Dearly Beloved told me that our 5 1/2 month old puppy had been attacked. By the time we got home, whatever had done it seemed to be gone, and the puppy seemed generally OK, but has a few puncture marks in his shoulder and neck.

In the ensuing investigation, as they say, we found that he had, in fact, been attacked by a Great Horned Owl. Evidence of this was that the darned owl was still in our tree out in front of our house. Well, let me tell you that my eldest was petrified to even have the puppy go outside to go pee. Finally, she and I took the pup outside as we hung around. After about 10 minutes, I figured that it would be safe to take pup for a short walk on a very short leash.

I was wrong.

We got about 2 houses away when the owl swooped down and attacked the puppy again. He was about 2 feet away! and the bird had the nerve to attack then and there. This time, there was only one puncture mark and we scared the owl away - at least for now. It's probably up in our tree again though, but I' can't see - it's dark.

My daughter is convinced that her puppy needs to be litter trained now, and is totally set against her dog ever going outside again. Well, at least until the owl is gone. The good news is that a couple of our nephews are conservation officers and on e of them told us that in order to protect our dog, we ARE allowed to shoot at it with a pellet gun since that won't kill it, just scare it.

I think that this may be close to our first course of action for tomorrow. Even Jesus said that it was OK to do a good work on the Sabbath - or am I pushing that one a little too far???

Oh, and the owl you see in the photo with the blog, is the one in our tree waiting for his supper.

What to do in this new year

2009-01-07T10:52:00.002-06:00

Well, I was told over the Christmas break that I am obviously a poor English teacher because my grammar and perhaps other English teachery type things are not perfect on this blog. The reasoning was that if you were to publish something on the web, it should be free from errors because people might jugde you for it. Well,change that has caused me to think of things that are really important for me to concentrate on for this new year - things I want to change during this new year.

The first thing that I want to change is the impression that English teachers have perfect English skills. Like the misunderstanding that those who have attended a Bible school have suddenly gotten all of life's spiritual battles licked. So, my first change is to perceptions of perfection - I'm not...

The second thing I'll is another very difficult thing for me - I need to loose weight. A significant ammout, in fact. There is no longer a choice ofr me to deny or hide the fact; I have to become more healthy and that is a tough thing for me to admit.

I have watched someone I love and look up to yo-yo diet for most of my life. This has given me a deep dislike for dieting of any sort. The type of dieting that I've witnessed, according to my Dr., this is actually a type of bulimia, and is totally more distressing for the body than being overweight for an extended period of time. Now, having said that, I also know that being significantly over weight is very sistressing for a body. It has affected my back, joints and lung power. I can't climb the stairs to my classroom without having my heartrate skyrocket and sucking for breath - ok, that might be my cold right now, but still....

I'm sure that changing more things would be really good too, but I also need to wory about putting too much stress and expectation on myself. I guess that that's one of my other changes. I need to reduce my own stress levels, as well help my family reduce their own stress levels. Just like yo-yo dieting and extended wieght gain, stress is very bad for a person. Unfortunately, many of my own bad habits are rubbingoff on my kids. The last thing I know that I need to change is not only for myself, but for my family too.

Best Christmas ever

2008-12-21T00:06:00.004-06:00

This may sound strange, but I was at a funeral today, and all I could think of was that Louise was going to have the best Christmas she's ever dreamed of.

Louise Hildebrand died on Monday night. We had a very long power outage and I guess that it was too much for her 82 year old heart. To tell you the truth, I only know her age because of the eulogy. If you'd have known her, you never would have guessed that she was any more than, maybe, her mid 60s. She was as young at heart, and almost as active, now as she was Oh, (was that 20 years ago?) when I first met her. My guess is that she's having the best time ever! I can almost hear her laugh.

Now, on a totally different topic...

Over the past month since I posted last, I have been having a really hard time emotionally. Now, don't get me wrong, there was no 'depths of despair' kind of thing, but I was never totally ever happy, relaxed or at peace. This is what I affectionately call treading water, just below sea level. I'm not drowning, I'm just not on top of things either. If I relax, or if I don't pay attention to what's going on, I could very easily drown.

Yet it is on top of all of this that I've added to my teaching hours to 'maximize' my hours. This basically means that I am now officially full time.

I'm so not ready for Christmas that it's not funny.

I can't keep my mind on much of anything these days. It doesn't bode well for my new class...

As my hubby has pointed out to one of our friends, teaching is the one place where I'm not actually stressed. I'm less stressed in front of a class than I am at home, at a party, or even doing hair. I thrive on giving people the skills that they need to make a good life for themselves and their families here in Canada.

I guess that maybe I need to keep on focusing on the good stuff and let the bad stuff just fade away. OK- so I'm an eternal optemist- or I'm delusional... You pick.

The stresses of Christmas

2008-11-25T10:32:00.003-06:00

Did you know that the body, more specifically your brain, cannot differentiate between good and bad stress (excitement)? So many of us end up feeling drained by the end of our Christmas holidays that we'd really do better with a vacation after our vacation.

Does that sound as confusing to you as it does to me? I think that this year, I need to put a bit of perspective on things.

The spouse of a colleague has just had cancer surgery - the doctors are hoping they've got it all. My family is healthy and whole.

Our 12 year old dog has just been put down a month ago. But we have a new puppy who is soooooo cute! He just brings along a whole new slew of stresses.

Do I really need that really expensive gift? No. I have just received a $15,000 or so home renovation. I'd really like my family to each write me a letter telling me all of the reasons they love me. I can scrapbook it later to preserve the love and joy for times when I feel lonely, unlovable and useless.

On a totally different note:

I have been encouraged (read hounded) to do a collaborative prayer journal with someone. The way I like to work is to have specific prayer requests to bring to God and pray for some one's healing either physically, emotionally or spiritually. I won't attempt to promise results that you'd want to see, but I will promise that God will hear it from a heart who longs to see His good and perfect will done here on earth.

I will pray for a stress manageable Christmas season in which we, as followers of Jesus, focus on the love that we have for our family, friends and the One who gave us the greatest gift of all: Himself.

Hope is the biggest buzz of all

2008-11-21T10:32:00.003-06:00

Do you remember when you first fell in love? I don't mean the first time you were 'in love', but the beginning of the best love you have ever had? I do.

I fell in love with my husband 18 years ago. I'd had a crush on him for quite some time by then, but as I got to know him better as we bacame good friends, I came to realize just how profound an influence he'd have on my life. Not just hte giddy romantic type of influence, but aslo the life changing because he truly believes in me, my passions and puts up with even my greatest faults kind of love. The kind of love that makes you a better human being in order to deserve the love. The kind of love that you can only return with all of your being - or not at all.

Because I have this kind of love, I want everyone else in the world to have that type too, so it affects mew very deeply when I find out that someone I love is experiencing a deep breakdown in their own mariage. This was the case for me recnetly. I was drawn to many tears, deep hurt and soul shaking anger when I was confronted with a loved one's own marriage breakdown.

At that time, I committed to praying for both the husband and wife. Because of that, I found that I could not be totally angry with either one of them. In fact, I could see how this situation could easily happen in my marriage unless I jealously guard it. I also found that as I prayed for tis couple, I was thanking God even more for the husband He gave me. I was given a greater appreciation for the relationship that we share.

I am a firm believer that specific, fervent prayer changes lives. I have seen the effects of prayer affecting the lives of those prayed for to not believe that I serve a God who is in charge and direct contact with His children. The most recent exmaple of this is the restoration of the above mentioned marriage.

This couple have decided to abandon many of their old habits and have committed to create new, healthy ones. Whe I heard this,my whole heart and soul rejoiced. In a previously deemed dead marriage, the light of hope has sprung forth. If there is even the smalles grain of hope, there is the possibility of great healing and restoration. There is the very real chance that this marriage can become even stronger after this experience because if these two are wise, they will never again allow themselves to forget how close they came to losing the best thing that they could ever have experienced.

Why would God run?

2008-10-23T10:09:00.007-06:00

One of my favorite songs of all time is by Phillips, Craig and Dean. It's calle When God Ran. These are a part of the lyrics. Just thinking about them gives me goosebumps.

P \ Phillips, Craig And Dean \ When God Ran

Almighty God, the great I am Immovable rock, omnipotent, powerful, awesome Lord Victorious warrior, commanding King of Kings Mighty conqueror, and the only time the only time I ever saw Him run

Was when He ran to me, He took me in His arms Held my head to His chest, said “My son’s come home again” Lifted my face, wiped the tears from my eyes With forgiveness in His voice He said,“Son do you know I still love you?” He caught me by surprise when God ran

The day I left home I knew I’d broken His heart And I wondered then if things could ever be the same Then one night I remembered His love for me And down that dusty road ahead I could see It was the only time – it was the only time I ever saw Him run

I was so ashamed, all alone and so far away But now I know He’s been waiting for this day

One of the best things in life.

2008-10-21T09:51:00.002-06:00

There have been several of my favorite shows on TV recently which have used Bipolar disorder as a portion of the major plot. I will say that the portrayals seemed quite fair to me, though they were showing the classic very high/very low BP1. The idea that the producers were trying to get across is that having a mental illness does not mean that you are crazy, you have a treatable illness.

Myself, I have BP2. I have been on medication for quite a few years. Like a diabetic, I will be on medication for the rest of my life to balance normal chemical levels - of which mine are out of kilter, in my body. The organ in my body which happens to be involved is not my pancreas, it is my brain.

Like "normal" people, I have good days and bad; a good mood for me is no different than anyone else's. As well, like anyone else I willo grive deeply for the loss of my beloved pet.
Where I see the biggest difference is that years ago- pre medication, I would have been non-functional for weeks; now I am really sad for a few days and then, though I still feel a bit sad, I can get on with life and most of the regular things that I do on any given day.

Having said all of this, I do wonder: why, if a person has a chronic physical illness of almost any part of the body, do people not look at them funny, but whenever that part of the body is north of the neck, it is seen as a deep character flaw? I am not crazy to the legal term of the word, but I am a bit of a nut case; just ask anyone who knows me well. Crazy is a person who has an ilness of any kind and does not do everything that they can to have a quality of life which allows them to function and be happy with the rest of the world.

Realistically, I don't know if I will ever be a missionary in a country outside of North America for any long term assignment. I am not confident in the medical care I would be able to access. In the same vein, a person with severe mobility problems - like my Aunt with MS, would have the same problem.

My life has changed; my goals have been adjusted, but in the long haul I can really see the hand of God in this. Without this thorn in my flesh, I might be less able to truly empathise with a person who has a similar ailment or who is unfairly seen as inferior because they are being judged on something which is neither their own fault and not something which truly has a negative impact on who they are as a person. Without this, I could not have the voice that I do to speak up for those who still live in shame of the stigma of mental illness. Without this, I could not recieve the blessing of such an amazing husband who not only puts up with my quirks, but also is my rock through my storms. As well, without this, I could never shout to the stars of God's mercy and grace in giving me hope, strength and purpose as a woman who can see His providence through the lies of the deciever.

For these and many other reasons, My illness has actually become one of the greatest things in my life.

I'm having a bad day

2008-10-20T15:44:00.003-06:00

Ever have one of those days???

You know the kind - you look at your life's work and feel like you're a total failure at it; your home's a mess; your kids are always fighting and driving you nuts; your spouse is experiencing stress at his/her work; you have to put your dog down because she has lung cancer, and for the life of you, though you know that she'll be better off, you don't want to do it.

No, not you? Well maybe it's just me. I suppose that it doesn't help that I haven't been able to sleep, listening to Kady have a tough time breathing throughout the night.

She's been my dog for 12 years, almost as long as I've married. I put on myself to be totally strong in front of the kids so that they can see my strength and feel stronger - though I know that it is a fallacy. I've kept myself so busy over the past few weeks that I've been able ot be in denial over the pain for the most part, but today I can't do it anymore.

Musings...

2008-09-26T16:13:00.001-06:00

I am a bit bummed out right now. Last night - while watching Grey's season premier, I got a phone call about the ladies retreat for my church. I had asked whether I could invite 2 friends of mine who have come to Canada as refugees and who are also fellow beleivers. One of them knows English quite well, and the other could use the first as a translator.

I am bummed because I was told that while the caller "didn't have a definite andswer" for me, she outlined all of the reasons thast it would not be a good idea. In this passive aggressive way, she had me say "Maybe I shouldn't invite them". She continued on to ask if I was really ok with that - I said that I'm dissapointed, but I understand the logic of the board, and then she wanted to know if I was still going to come, because the ladies do want to ge to know me.

The reasons given for not wanting people from outside the church are: this is meant to be a retreat where women of our church get together to get to know, refresh and build each other up; the ladies I wanted to invite aren't great at English and may not get as much out of it as a native speaker would; each of these women would need a financial subsidy in order to go and there are a couple of women from our own congregation who might not come because they can't afford it.

While all of these are very good, logical reasons, I am the type of person who sees outreach opportunities around every corner.I was told that the ladies want to get to know me on a personal level - but on a personal level I am one to reach out to others. I want to give others the ability to have the same opportunities that I have.

Writing this hasn't lifted me from being bummed out, but I am reminded of one very important thing. Whenever I don't get my own way, often God has an even better plan for me. Even though I would love to throw a tantrum and kick and shout, I know that for all of the reasons and others which I may not even know of, my way isn't the way things should go here.

I guess I'll have to wait and see what God has in store for this retreat!

Not what I expected

2008-09-22T15:55:00.004-06:00

My family and went to the movie WALL - E last night. It was very cute and I firmly believe that technogeek animators have waaaaaaaaaaaaay too much time on their hands.

Having said that, I must say that t was not what I expected. I really don't know what I expected, but that wasn't it. I expected a social commentary on consumerism and waste, but not about how lazy we've gotten as North American consumers.

What many people would call being pampered, is shown to its extreme after 700 years as a way of life. Our culture which is becoming dependant on computers for interpersonal interaction is also laid bare.

Many children's videos are stark commentaries on postmodern consumerism, but none so graphically yet sensitively as this. There is way too much to think about in this show to say it all here and now, but as I reflect on it, I may end up posting more at a later date.

Stress???

2008-09-03T23:26:00.002-06:00

There's no stress in my family - I have it all. I'm sitting here at about 11:30 p.m. and can't sleep because of what I (not so) affectionately call my stress cough. When I 'm really stressed I cough.

This evening a friend of mine who recently broke both his wrists while painting a house called me. It seems that while his elderly mother was having a bath, she couldn't get out of the tub and needed help. He didn't know what to do- he has 2 broken wrists. Not to mention that his mother has had a stroke and likely out weighs me by about 50 ponds or so.

After he called, I went and collected my good friend and namesake and went to his place to extract this poor woman from this humiliating state. It took us a good 15-20 minutes, but she finally got out.

Ok now, why would this be stressful??? Well, let me tell you. This unfortunate woman's plight is how I can easily picture myself in about 30 years or so. Hugely over weight, had a stroke and have to live at the mercy of others and is possibly unable to care for myself. This does not paint a pretty picture.

I realized tonight just how badly I have let myself get. I don't exercise enough (ironically doing a unit on staying healthy with my class) I don't resist temptation enough when it comes to sweets, and I have multiple other bad habits - none of which are illegal or immoral, just bad for me.

I believe that it may have taken the humiliating view of this unfortunate circumstance to force me to face up to what I have so far been in very deep denial about. I need to get in shape. I need to get healthy and stay that way. I need to do this not only for myself and my own health, but also for my children so that I am not such a burden to them later in my life.

By the way - don't ever tell my Mom I wrote this! She'll make me do something about it...

renos... Whoda thunk?!?

2008-09-02T16:03:00.002-06:00

Our weekend bathroom reno has now turned into the weekend and then some reno. I totally underestimated how long it would take to do this monstrosity of a job!

I forgot about all of the plumbing involved in changing from dual handle to single handle shower/tub. I didn't realize how tough it is to set and hang cement board. Don't even mention the 'cement filler'! I cxan't imagine what it'll take to sand that down to aq paintable level...

This is one of those days that I am exeptionally glad that I teach foundational ESL. Today's lesson needed next to no prep. I had everything pretty much done last Friday and since we repeat SO much, I just had to keep doing the same stuff.

Well, my brain is fried. I need a nap in a big way!

When I was a child...

2008-08-29T08:32:00.002-06:00

Yesterday, before I left my workplace, I had a lovely chat with my first husband. I found out that he has been 2x divorced, has 5 children, is a banker in a large city and involved with a band. He sounds much like the same wonderful person I knew way back when.

Ok, so way back when is when I was 7 years old and we got married in the back seat of his mom's car and we honeymooned in his family's tent trailer. The only sex we had was nose smooshing, dry kisses (about 3-4) and thast was about it.

The reason that i mention this is because it gives me pause to wonder. I have moved about 30-40 times in my life, including different houses in one place. I have never lived any where as long as I have lived in my beloved house of 5 years right now. In all of these moves I have left behind friends and people I loved and I wonder how my life, or theirs for that matter, would have been different if I would have stayed where I was when I lived near them.

Several of these old friends became very secular, partying folks; and have remained that way even to the age that we share now. Some of these friends have been growing and maturing in Christ.

I have personally gone through years of partying, promiscuity and rebellion. But inthe past 10-15 years I have really grown closer to being the person I was as a child. I have a much closer relationship with my savior, I love being a Christian and having general peace about life andmy eternal future, and I know that even when I don't understand what is happening in my life - God does.

I still have many insecurities; I don't have everything figured out; I still have a lot of things to learn. Life is not perfect, but I am confident that there is a plan and purpose for me.

I was also reminded of this during camp this year. There was a young woman who was at a suicidal point in her life. I was able to share and help her understand that even these really dark times in our lives have purpose. For example if I would have given into my own darkest depressions and succeeded in comitting suicide when I was years younger than I amnow, I would not have the husband I do, the awsome children, or be able to talk to her about how life really can be better that she felt at the time.

I hope that she was able to undertand the 'reason, season, lifetime' philosophy I was getting at; especially because she was going through such trouble, God desires her to stick around to help others people who may be going through some of what she is now.

I am thankful for all of the people who have shaped who I am now. I am stronger, more compassionate and have a fuller world view than I would have had without them.

God is good - all the time!

2008-08-25T15:54:00.002-06:00

It is sometimes difficult for me to remember that phrase. It is such a small and easy phrase, but it has so many implications. This last weekend I had my MIL over night - with 1 day notice! God is good- we had a great visit.

A relative is divorcing his wife of only a couple of years - I was so angry I was shaking and felt sick to my stomach. How dare he throw away a relationship with a great girl because it wasn't convenient, there looked like something better out there, whatever. My mind was angry at him for all sorts of reasons, even though I had no idea of his side of the story. Yet all through this anger the admonition of 'be careful how you judge' kept going through my mind. God is good - He calmed me down to the point that I started to listen to that advice and wrote to this man and found out his side. I had been through a similar thing to him many years ago and I made worse choices than he did. God is awesome - Had I done what my anger was sentencing this young man to, I'd never have dated or married the best man I believe God could ever have for me.

More than a year ago, I discovered that my bathroom wall is rotting. I've had duct tape on it trying, and failing, to keep water out of the wall. God is good - we have finally gotten the materials we need to fix the wall, but also through waiting, we have been able to put together a design for the entire room!

I know that these are only minor annoyances, but when God is faithful in the small things, He is certainly faithful in the big ones. I just have to remember to wait on His timing to see things sorted through. Some things I'll see sorted through; some things I have to have faith that it has been done and I'm just not privy to it; and some things will only be fully sorted after I have left this world.

I have to remember - even through the really tough stuff, God is GOOD. All the time!

13 and counting...

2008-08-20T16:39:00.002-06:00

Well. I've been married for 10 blissful years! (2 ok, and 1 not so good)... JUST KIDDING!

Yesterday, on both my mom's and his dad's birtdays, we had our 13th wedding anniversary. I don't know how it happens, but somehow our anniversary brings to mind family and friends whose marriages have either dissolved or are in trouble. During this conversation we bring up things about our own relationship that are and aren't working, and during this particular one, why it is that we keep on keeping on.

We are nowhere near wanting to call off our marriage, but we do recognise that even 'perfect couples' have flaws and areas where one will fail in the eyes of the other. Having dated for almost 5 years before getting married, we both came into this with our eyes open. there were few major surprises in store for each other, but strangely enough, even after almost 18 years, we are still learning little things about one another.

My beloved and I are both of the opinion that a good marriage takes work - and lots of it; marriage isn't 50/50, it's 100/100; love isn't a feeling, it's a commitment that you must make on a daily, and sometimes hourly basis; when we are each growing closer to God, we - by default, grow coser to each other.

All of these things sound maybe a little trite or like pat answers, but in reality they are really tough to keep up with on a daily basis. When we got married, my hubby had no Idea that he'd ended up with a woman with such deep emotional problems that for the next 13 years and counting, emotional intimacy, and at times physical as well, would be very difficult to maintain. I had no idea that I would need to lean so hard on him that when he's away, my entire physical and mental well-being is, at times, in jeopardy. I would never, in a sane state of mind, consider divorce (murder maybe, but never divorce).

As part of my personal mental and emotional healing, I have learned that it is virtually impossible to hate someone you are praying for, and very easy to love them; forgiveness is a choice - and the ultimate way to have peace in even the most complicated or difficult relationships. (I'll write about forgiveness at a later date). Only complete trust that Christ's desire for you is ultimately better than any will you have for yourself, will bring you through the toughest trials in your life with a sense of victory even when the world would call the experience a failure. Every failure is an opportunity to learn, if you choose to.

Only by becoming a healthier person could I bring him the woman he deserves to be married to. He truly is my most intimate lover, my best friend and my greatest champion. I would rather be angry at him than anyone else in the world - because with him, I know I'm safe. He made the vow on that day, and still carries it out, to cherish my uniqueness.

I am grateful for every day that God chooses to allow us the joy and pain of each others' company.

The Shack

2008-08-18T16:54:00.002-06:00

I recently read a book called "The Shack", recommended by my uncle in Vancouver. He kept saying "I had to keep telling myself this isn't a true story!" I on the other hand didn't have a hard time with that. It was an exellently written fiction.

As with many works of fiction, you can learn a great many truths looking through the eyes of another person. This book challenged my views of God, and His personhood. It made me look more deeply into my finite views of forgiveness and forever. It gave me a different perspective on how things work when you do things on your own power rather than leaning on God's. Not to mention the effects of our choices on not only ourselves, but on other people's ability and right to make their own choices.

I'll have to study this to see how Biblically accurate it is (it seems to ring true), and how much is the author's fancy. And while I didn't have trouble seeing this as fiction, it did give me a great deal more to think about as to the truths regarding God.

Love the lake...

2008-08-18T16:24:00.004-06:00

Hate the sunburn!!!

What do you get when you have a natural red head, a bottle of 35 SPF and a beach with no shade? The feeling that you belong in a bag of Ketchup Chips (quote from my youngest girl).

We spent the weekend at Minuwaka Beach - it was beautiful; soft sand, very warm and clear water, floaties to help me relax (and later curse) in the water.

Before we went, I admit that I really didn't want to go. Do you ever have those times when stress, fatigue and work are all you have where you're at, but the idea of moving on to something different just seems like too much? That's where I was at Friday. I was all for staying at home and doing the same old same old. I went to the lake unwillingly and with a bad attitude - though I tried to hide it (unsuccessfully), and simply went along to keep peace in the family and make my hubby happy. And as usual, He was right - don't ever tell him I said that!

On Saturday, I spent almost the entire time by the beach reading a book (a really good one), staying in the shade, and making sure the dog behaved. Though it was relaxing, it wasn't 'fun'. Once I saw how much fun my family was having, I saw what I was missing and finally crawled out of my selfish funk and joined them.

Sunday was a whole other story. I spent the entire time on the beach or in the water (hence the burn) and made great memories with my family. If it wasn't for the bad burn that my youngest and I were getting, I'd have loved to stay there until sunset!

This reminds me of how, in our laziness, selfishness, or any other 'ness' you can think of, we actually make choices that are not only bad for us, but we know keep us from happiness. Why do I (we) do this?

I heard a message several years ago which has really stayed with me. It was about Jesus calling Lazarus from the grave. Jesus called his very good friend, who had been dead 4 days, had been burried and had begun decaying, out of the grave, deep in the earth. When Jesus called, Lazarus came out, took off his death cloths (which likely had pieces of Lazarus stick to them) and joined again the land of the living. The pastor then continued to say that Lazarus could have chosen to stay in the cloths which bound him, but instead, he chose to throw them off and begin new and refreshed.

That got me to thinking how I tend to stay in my death cloths which constrict, smother and stink. I know that what I'm doing isn't good for me, but I still keep doing it rahter than toss those disgusting rags off and begin new - refreshed.

This weekend I made the cchoice to toss the rags and start fresh. It was awesome!

Broken Things

2008-08-14T16:45:00.002-06:00

I just finished reading a book called "Broken Things". It is a story of a woman who ran away from her first love and married an abusive man. The majority of the story is set many years later, with the woman in her 50s, and you get to see the results of many of the decisions she'd made - both good and bad.

This book has made me think of all of the ways I've been broken. I've been abused, made many, many poor choices - several of which could have cost me my life, and now I live with a mental illness. The amazing thing is that through all of the ways I've been broken - both by others and also by my own hand, God has been able to teach me and give me opportunities to help others who are going through some similar things.

I have had many things happen which could have made me bitter and angry or given me the perfect excuse to continue down the path of self destruction and very bad choices. Fortunately, having given myself to God, He has protected me spiritually, and for the most part, physically. I do have some residual scars - mostly emotional, but I have no regrets. I am nowhere near perfect, but I have learned to trust that God has a plan for me and my family that I may never understand.

I love the image of a tapestry, or a beautiful multi-coloured piece of cloth. My life is one thread, along that thread there are light and dark areas, but I can only see what is happening in the moment. I have no idea of what is coming, or more importantly, what the overall design is. I have to trust that the designer has the most beautiful design in mind. I am simply privileged to be a part of that tapestry.

Some of God's greatest creations

2008-08-12T16:27:00.007-06:00

One of our stops this summer was at the Vancouver Aquarium, where I was able to take some amazing photos of some of God's most exotic and beautiful creatures. Please enjoy!

This is the new baby Beluga whale!

HUGE pet peeve!!!!

2008-08-12T16:07:00.002-06:00

Ok, other than misused and abused apostrophies, one of my biggest pet peeves is people forwarding emails of "warnings" and other - imho- spam without checking whether or not it is actually true, or just a bored person making up a story.

One of the best websites to check out if a story you've recieved is spam or not is www.snopes.com. PLEASE check messages out before you fwd them. You will save many thousands of wasted minutes of people worldwide who will be saved from the agony of believing false stories.

My latest book

2008-08-11T16:59:00.002-06:00

I'm just finishing the true story of Steven Saint, called "End of The Spear". This is one of the most moving, funny and human books I've ever read. This book can and will change how you look at forgiveness, grace, pain, healing, materialism, racism - and lots of other 'isms'.

In my job as an adult ESL teacher to refugees at the lowest possible level of literacy, I thought that I had a pretty good grasp on people from marginalized societies around the world. This book has shown me that I have much to learn.

We think that we're helping a people group become self sufficient by throwing money at a situation, going to them to do things for them or even providing equipment etc to help relieve a situation. This book points out the hazards of even our best intentions of some of our 'selfless' acts.

This is not to say that we should give up trying to help others; in fact, quite the opposite is true. We need to truly help others by teaching them ways to help themselves within the context of their own situation.

WELCOME!

2008-08-11T16:43:00.003-06:00

I hope that you will feel free to comment on, discuss or otherwise interact with me here on my blog. My hope is that I will be able to share more actual life stuff here than I can on Facebook so that we can stay in tuouch intelligently and with some actual depth.

Blessings!

K